Death Leach (I was Addicted to porn!)

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so when i was 8 years old i saw my first pornographic magazine. it was an innocent thing (or so i thought at the time). i didnt know what havoc looking at this thing would bring. to make a very long story short, i have been a slave to pornography 16 years. i was addicted to it the entire time. it was my master i had to obey its every command. i cried out to God for years to set me free. though i could never find freedom. i tried everything to brake free from porn's grip. nothing worked. i tried every biblical principle i knew and nothing worked. i took every thought captive, did spiritual warfare, i even had people pray for me. nothing seemed to work. i was in complete despair. i thought that once i got married i would be freed from this thing. but instead it just got worse. i had to lie to one more person, the person that was closest to me, my wife. i confessed to her on more then one occasion that i had a "hard" time with porn. what i didnt tell her was that i was addicted to it. she found out on more then one occasion that i had been looking at this behind her back. this hurt my wife so, so deeply. i vowed that i would never look at porn again, because i never wanted to hurt her again. the crazy thing is that this didnt even work for me.... NOTHING WORKED!!!! it wasnt until someone told me about the Setting Captives Free web site ( http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ ) that i thought i had found a way out. though i was very skeptical that this would even work. it wasnt until i started this course that i started to find freedom from sexual sin. the cool thing is that this course is not a 12 step program to get clean. it is a step by step walk through scripture showing the path to freedom. there is freedom in the name of Jesus! i can now say that i am completely free from porn and all its powerful grip. i have been free from sexual sin sense 6 Dec 2010. though that may not seem like a long time for you who is reading this, but to those that are bound to this thing it is a life time. and i say life time for a reason. once you are bound to sexual sin you live in a constant state of death. there is no life being bound to sin! while addicted to porn i lived in a constant state of darkness. there was no light, and NO LIFE! it is for these reasons i say since i have been free from porn it seems like a life time. since 6 Dec Jesus Christ has been my true master. He has saved me from my dark dungeon. there have been times in the past that i thought i was "free" but there was this small thing inside of me that i never could get rid of. (even though i called and demanded it to come out in the name of Jesus) now since 6 Dec 2010 i have not felt that small thing inside. Jesus has set me free!!!! i can say with 100% honesty that i will never go back to looking at porn. it is not because of my strength that i will not return, it is only through the grace of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit working in me and through me.

three years ago i was in a state of such despair. i tried to put how i felt into words. so i wrote what i guess you could call a poem. now i am no writer nor am i a poet, but here is the best way i could put into words how i felt. (three years later reading it these word still rang true in my heart, as i still remember how it felt to be porns slave!)

DEATH LEACH

Eyes so young

Eyes so innocent

A life untouched

A life without bondage

It looks to and fro

It creeps back and forth

It sniffs and seeks for prey

It is trying to find its next victim

Without knowledge of what will happen

Without knowledge of how life will be changed

Without a care in the world

Without the bite of Death

It lays its trap

It waits for the right moment

It grins with delight in its finest work

Its name is the Death Leach

Simple hands and simple eyes

A simple touch of paper and ink

At that moment the hooks were set

The teeth are being sunk in, to never let go

It tastes the sweet blood of the innocent

It ravishes in the life of the taken

The Death Leach feeds again

It has taken another young life captive!

It felt so wrong! But the little hands could not put it down

The lies and secrets started from then on

These paged of colored ink would fade into others

All would entrance and entangle never letting go

The Death Leach would bring new things to drain the life faster

New things that would send the hooks deeper

The Death Leach over time trains its host to be clever

It makes a dungeon with steel door and lock hiding its host forever

Life went on but no one knew the darkness that surrounded

Words could not be spoken from the darkness

Many fights were fought to trying and get out

None were able to brake the locks and be set free

With amusement the Death Leach mocks

With amusement it chokes

With amusement it drains the life

With amusement the Death Leach enslaves another

Life looks so grim, like it will never be clear of this

Why are all the cries gone unheard

Why does life have to be enslaved to this killing thing

                                        Life is no life when it is being drained  

if you find yourself saying "man i feel like that," or you can admit that you are additcted to porn, that you are a slave to sexual sin. please, please, check out http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ and enroll in the free online course "way of purity." this is a bible based coures. they take biblical truth and brake it down in a way that helps you understand your need for repentance and a sold out heart for Jesus Christ. it shows you that only the grace of God through Jesus Christ is the only way you will find freedom from the addiction of sexual sin (including homosexuality, and masturbation). in fact if you are addicted to anything it is only the grace of God through Jesus Christ that will set you free!

i hope and pray that all who are enslaved by the devil will find freedom in Jesus name!

Back home

Well I have been out of the country for about a month on holiday. And while on holiday no one feels like doing anything. Or at lest that is how I am. So now that I'm back let's see if I can get in the groove of bogging again. We will see if it works, because I have got other things that I would like to do. I want to learn Afrikaans. Which takes up a lot of time. I also want to do a bible study which takes at least an hour to do. So with those two things and trying to run a family I am not sure how the blogging thing is going to go. So until next time. Be blessed and may the Lord be with you.