Death Leach (I was Addicted to porn!)

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so when i was 8 years old i saw my first pornographic magazine. it was an innocent thing (or so i thought at the time). i didnt know what havoc looking at this thing would bring. to make a very long story short, i have been a slave to pornography 16 years. i was addicted to it the entire time. it was my master i had to obey its every command. i cried out to God for years to set me free. though i could never find freedom. i tried everything to brake free from porn's grip. nothing worked. i tried every biblical principle i knew and nothing worked. i took every thought captive, did spiritual warfare, i even had people pray for me. nothing seemed to work. i was in complete despair. i thought that once i got married i would be freed from this thing. but instead it just got worse. i had to lie to one more person, the person that was closest to me, my wife. i confessed to her on more then one occasion that i had a "hard" time with porn. what i didnt tell her was that i was addicted to it. she found out on more then one occasion that i had been looking at this behind her back. this hurt my wife so, so deeply. i vowed that i would never look at porn again, because i never wanted to hurt her again. the crazy thing is that this didnt even work for me.... NOTHING WORKED!!!! it wasnt until someone told me about the Setting Captives Free web site ( http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ ) that i thought i had found a way out. though i was very skeptical that this would even work. it wasnt until i started this course that i started to find freedom from sexual sin. the cool thing is that this course is not a 12 step program to get clean. it is a step by step walk through scripture showing the path to freedom. there is freedom in the name of Jesus! i can now say that i am completely free from porn and all its powerful grip. i have been free from sexual sin sense 6 Dec 2010. though that may not seem like a long time for you who is reading this, but to those that are bound to this thing it is a life time. and i say life time for a reason. once you are bound to sexual sin you live in a constant state of death. there is no life being bound to sin! while addicted to porn i lived in a constant state of darkness. there was no light, and NO LIFE! it is for these reasons i say since i have been free from porn it seems like a life time. since 6 Dec Jesus Christ has been my true master. He has saved me from my dark dungeon. there have been times in the past that i thought i was "free" but there was this small thing inside of me that i never could get rid of. (even though i called and demanded it to come out in the name of Jesus) now since 6 Dec 2010 i have not felt that small thing inside. Jesus has set me free!!!! i can say with 100% honesty that i will never go back to looking at porn. it is not because of my strength that i will not return, it is only through the grace of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit working in me and through me.

three years ago i was in a state of such despair. i tried to put how i felt into words. so i wrote what i guess you could call a poem. now i am no writer nor am i a poet, but here is the best way i could put into words how i felt. (three years later reading it these word still rang true in my heart, as i still remember how it felt to be porns slave!)

DEATH LEACH

Eyes so young

Eyes so innocent

A life untouched

A life without bondage

It looks to and fro

It creeps back and forth

It sniffs and seeks for prey

It is trying to find its next victim

Without knowledge of what will happen

Without knowledge of how life will be changed

Without a care in the world

Without the bite of Death

It lays its trap

It waits for the right moment

It grins with delight in its finest work

Its name is the Death Leach

Simple hands and simple eyes

A simple touch of paper and ink

At that moment the hooks were set

The teeth are being sunk in, to never let go

It tastes the sweet blood of the innocent

It ravishes in the life of the taken

The Death Leach feeds again

It has taken another young life captive!

It felt so wrong! But the little hands could not put it down

The lies and secrets started from then on

These paged of colored ink would fade into others

All would entrance and entangle never letting go

The Death Leach would bring new things to drain the life faster

New things that would send the hooks deeper

The Death Leach over time trains its host to be clever

It makes a dungeon with steel door and lock hiding its host forever

Life went on but no one knew the darkness that surrounded

Words could not be spoken from the darkness

Many fights were fought to trying and get out

None were able to brake the locks and be set free

With amusement the Death Leach mocks

With amusement it chokes

With amusement it drains the life

With amusement the Death Leach enslaves another

Life looks so grim, like it will never be clear of this

Why are all the cries gone unheard

Why does life have to be enslaved to this killing thing

                                        Life is no life when it is being drained  

if you find yourself saying "man i feel like that," or you can admit that you are additcted to porn, that you are a slave to sexual sin. please, please, check out http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ and enroll in the free online course "way of purity." this is a bible based coures. they take biblical truth and brake it down in a way that helps you understand your need for repentance and a sold out heart for Jesus Christ. it shows you that only the grace of God through Jesus Christ is the only way you will find freedom from the addiction of sexual sin (including homosexuality, and masturbation). in fact if you are addicted to anything it is only the grace of God through Jesus Christ that will set you free!

i hope and pray that all who are enslaved by the devil will find freedom in Jesus name!

Back home

Well I have been out of the country for about a month on holiday. And while on holiday no one feels like doing anything. Or at lest that is how I am. So now that I'm back let's see if I can get in the groove of bogging again. We will see if it works, because I have got other things that I would like to do. I want to learn Afrikaans. Which takes up a lot of time. I also want to do a bible study which takes at least an hour to do. So with those two things and trying to run a family I am not sure how the blogging thing is going to go. So until next time. Be blessed and may the Lord be with you.

PRAYER REQUEST!!! / First Bath (in the house)

please keep our friends in your prayers. today we were told that one of our friends is having the first signs of a miscarriage. she is about 5 weeks along. the doctor told her that she has to sacks in her womb. one of them is empty and the other has a small fetus in it. so as we all know our God is big enough and more then capable to heal those little babies in her womb. now to add to the prayer request this ladies husband just left for a 6 month deployment. she has two other boys (one 11, and the other 2 1/2). so with the pain and hurting emotions of her husband leaving and having to become a single mother (even if it is for a sort time) isnt enough she is having to go through this as well.... so please with you think of me and my family remember them too.

now for the update for our day.... today Chantal and I thought it was finally time to give Ian his first bath. he wasnt really stinky, but it was just time to give him a bath. plus we needed to clean his little "peeter" after his circumcision. all things went well, or at least we thought it did. he didnt poop or pee on us and he came out of the ordeal better then he went into it. after we bathed him i didnt get to see him all afternoon, because Chantal took him and snuggled him. she loves the feeling and the smell of a freshly bathed baby. all i can really say is this little man is so dang cute. i love him and i love the adventure that we are already having with him.

God is Good!!! Paperwork almost done

God is so good!!! for several days now i have been running around like crazy trying to get all or Ian's paperwork done. it hasnt been as hard as i thought that it would be. that is because God has had His hand in it all. the other day when i went in to make the passport appt. they told me that the soonest they could get me in was 27 sept. now that day would have worked but just would not have cut it for time. after i came home and told Chantal about it we came up with a plan. we decided that i would go in to the passport office and check to see if they has any cancellations. well i went in there yesterday (after finishing all other paperwork) and sure enough they had an opening. they told me that we could come in today at 1000. so we got all of out paperwork together and went in. things at the passport office when exceptionally well. we were in there a total of 30 minutes and our package was sent off. this is a huge praise the Lord. as seeing that Ian is only a week old and he has a passport on the way. he also was able to get circumcised. which is another huge blessing. seeing that he must have this done within 14 days of life. though that may not seem like a hard thing to some people it is not that easy here at Ramstein. it is not uncommon for someone to be sick (and i mean really sick) and call in to bee seen only to be told that the soonest appt available is two weeks out. so when Ian was able to be seen so soon it is of no doubt that God has been working everything out for us.

as for the rest of the family all is well. the dogs are still doing great. Abby (the white one) loves Ian. she thinks that he is her baby. when he cries she goes to check on him. when we lay him down she comes and lays her head on him to love him. as for Lexy (the black one) she doesnt really care either way. she is more worried about us touching her then anything else.

Home again Home again

yesterday Chantal & Ian were released from the hospital. we had to do a little bit of running around before we made it home. once we finally got through the doors of our house it felt like a 100 lb were off our shoulders. though with all this relief it seemed like we didnt have enough time to get settled in before it was bed time. before we knew it the time had slipped to 2130 and Ian still had not been put to bed. well i think that this was a mistake on our part. because it took me several hours before he finally went to sleep good. that lasted about 45 minutes before he was up again. this kind of thing went on all night long. no worries though we all got to sleep a little bit. then (as i am sure all babies do) as the son came up Ian thought it would be a great idea to go right to sleep.... :-)... i guess that this kind of thing is what i have to look forward to.... and so far i am loving every minute of it!

Photo by: Kimberly Cotta Photography (you can find her of facebook)

once i got my sleepy butt out of bed i was off to take care of our overwhelming paper work. as i was on my way and had a semi grip on what i needed to do things started going pretty well. when i got to every place that i needed to be the people were really helpful and made it really clear as to what i needed to do next. (this is a HUGE deal when your stationed here at Ramstein AB). by the time i got home i had almost completed everything that can be done with exception of the Passport. speaking of the Passport please keep praying about that. they told me that the soonest they could get us in was 27 Sept 10. that is just to far out for us to get everything sent off and for everything to come back. we have to have Ian's Passport before Nov because we are leaving for South Africa to see Oupa and Ouma Coetzee. so please keep this paperwork issue in your prayers.

Photo by: Kimberly Cotta Photography (you can find her of facebook)

now that i have my whole family (Chantal, Ian, and the two girls) in the house it feels good. i feel that this "family" man thing is what i was made for. i am loving every minute of this. i cant thank God enough for giving me a wonderful family that is perfectly healthy. i know that what He has given me is a blessing and that things could be much, much worse. so again i thank God for all that He has done for me and has given me.

Ian's First Cries/Our Daily Up Date

here is a small clip of Ian while he is being checked out by the Midwife just minutes after being born. you can here me clicking away with the camera... lol.....

as for today here is a small update on what happened. Ian had his a hip scan done. everything came back just fine.... he is started to stay awake a little bit longer. and my a little bit longer i mean like 5 minutes at a time. now i am sure that all of this will change and i will wish he would just stay asleep, but right now i just want to see my son awake doing cool things. i dont know what cool things would look like, but i would like to see them..... as for Chantal. she is doing good. she told me today that she is feeling great. that she is not hurting at all. although we went on a walk and about 30 minutes afterward her back started to hurt. i think we over did it on our walk. other then that she is doing great. she is healing very well. she is so ready to come home. her room mate has a baby boy that has a set of lungs on him. she says that he cries so loud and all the time. when he cries the other lady doesnt take him out of the room to settle him down. this isnt a problem until its time for bed and Chantal and Ian cant get any sleep because this other kid is screening like crazy. as for me. well i am doing good. it hasnt really sunk in just yet. but give it some time and i am sure that i will feel like a dad. although i am starting to feel like i wont hurt him while i hold him or try and pick him up to hold him. i think that change started to take place this afternoon while i took a nap with Ian. after i fed him (and burped him) i laid him on my chest and ended up falling asleep. which was amazing by the way. i have a feeling that this will become a habit :-). but here is what i know for sure. my love for this little man is growing more and more by the minute. i didnt know that i could love a person this much. i am so thankful that God has found me (of all people) worthy to watch over this wonderful little boy.

tomorrow will come our first taste of how things will be for a while. the pediatrician will be coming to the hospital around 0730 - 0800 to check all the babies out. once he is done they said that we will be allowed to come home. which in our eyes is a good thing. (though the midwives have been great. i know that we will miss them). so i am sure that tomorrow night when he is all ours and we have to do everything ourselves our song will changes a bit... lol....

well stay tuned for more updates. again while you think of me and my family remember our friend that found out their 3 year old boy has Leukemia and keep them in your prayer. so please pray for them before you mention me and my family. because everything is ok with us but things on there end is still a roller-coaster.

Ian Keith Cook

my son was born yesterday (10 Sept 2010) at 12:55pm. he weighed 9.3lb (4220grams), he was 22.8in (57cm) long, his head circumference was 14.7in (37cm).

now that the stats are out of the way let me briefly tell the story. our day started out at 0130 when Chantal woke me up and said "honey.... i think i am in labor..." so i replied "well how bad are the contractions?" she said "i dont know... my back just is starting to hurt!!!!" i then said "huuuu" and when to sleep. well that didnt last to long before she woke me up again :-).... and this time i knew for sure it was real! we got our things together and headed off to the hospital. we knocked on the door of labor and delivery. when the midwife oped she just looked at us and said "oookkk come on in." (we were standing there with bags and excited faces. i think she just knew.) once she let us in she took us to the back room, because all of the normal rooms were full. of course we would have to pick the day when they didnt have any room for us :-)... so we were there for about 5 minutes the Chantal thought her water broke so i went and found the midwife to tell her. she came on back and examined Chantal and told her that she was 4 cm dilated. about two hrs passed when they checked her cervix again this time she was at an 8. great news for her... things were moving right along. we soon moved into the bath where Chantal dilated to 10. we moved into the birthing room (by now things had cleared out). it wasnt to much longer before Chantal gave birth to our beautiful boy. her total labor time was around 11 1/2 hrs. my wife is a real trooper she did the WHOLE THING WITHOUT DRUGS!!!! man there is no way i could have done that! i am really proud of her for doing just what she wanted to do (deliver the baby all naturally).

once the baby came out i got to see the miracle God talks about in Genies. when He talks about breathing the breath of life into Adam and Eve. when Ian first came out he was a grayish blue, and in an instant he took his first breath and came to life. he started to turn pink; and started to move. it was the most amazing thing i have ever seen!

i could write about this day forever. but i will restrain myself. (seeing as it is late and i am getting sleepy)..... so it is here that i will count my blessings: i thank God that he has given me a beautiful wife that had a healthy pregnancy, followed by a HUGE beautiful baby boy that is 100% healthy. I serve a wonderful God who has been the best Father to me, and i pray that i could come within 1% of His of what He has done for me..... thank you Jesus!

My newest joy; my son Ian

So yesterday my 1st son was born at 12:55. ( I'll write about all the things that went on that day later). But today when I woke up this unspeakable joy came over me. There is no way that I could ever really explain how I felt, but those of you that have kids know just what i am talking about. When I finally got to the hospital and got to see Ian again my heart almost could keep from melting. He is so beautiful. So what this comes down to is this: I am so thankful that our Father has given me a wonderfully beautiful baby boy.

We Were the Joy That Was Set Before Him

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i wrote a little bit about this in my other blog, but i did not go into detail. and i am sure that i do not have everything that God wants to give me on this subject. either way here is what God has been showing me about me (us the Body of Christ).

Heb 12:2
"looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

i have this worship album by Klaus "Glory." which i think everyone should listen to and worship with. anyway the song that spurred me to think about all of this is called "You Are The Joy." it starts out singing that we were the joy that was set before Him on the cross. then it leads into singing that He is the joy that is set before us. it took me several days of thinking about this to even grasp the idea. but here is the truth in all of this. God set us before Jesus which gave Him the strength to endure His cross, and likewise God has given us Jesus so that we would have the strength to endure our cross (and or calling). 

John 15:11
"These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full."

Jesus before this was talking about abiding in love which means we are abiding in Him. then He out of the blue (or what would seem like the blue) tell us us that He wants us to have His joy and that He wants it to be full. then He leads right into talking about laying ones life down for his friends. then He calls those who follow His commandment of "loving your brother " friends. we all know that He was talking about His death on the cross here. and that he wanted to lay His life down for us. for me it is a no-brainer what He is talking about. when i (we) abide in the love that He commanded us to do we build a deep intimate relationship with God. and through this when we are carrying our cross (calling) and the world (with all the demons in it) starts to brake us down; here is what should give you strength to carry on: Jesus! He is and should be the joy that is set before us. with Him as our focal point nothing else should matter.

so when we look back at Heb 12:2 and we see that we were the joy that was set before Him, and that we (in all of our imperfections) gave Him joy to endure His cross (calling). this should be the perfect example for us to follow. we should set Jesus in front of us so that we may have the strength to endure our cross (calling).    

Simple Truths #4

Image by Grace to You via Flickr

If you Hate your "brother" then You Do NOT Love God!

In 1 John 4:20-21 it says this "20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also." 

so the questions is this: where is your heart? are you being obedient to Gods word? are you loving as He already commanded us to love? 

i know this is short but God put this on my heart to share. so the Simple Truth for today is to love our brethren as Christ already instructed us to do. for by doing so we are walking in the Love of God.

Leukemia Prayer Request

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i have been going way to fast for way to long. for what seems like weeks i have been doing military things. this last weekend i played in the ORE. i wrote about this the last time i had to play. and this time is no different. i dont like playing in them. they seem to go on forever and they seem to take away all my time.... so ORE's are defiantly a no go! but this is not what i want to write about today. about two days after our ORE my friend took his little boy to the hospital to get checked out. because the little boy has been acting different sense they moved here (about two months ago). well what they thought was going to be a simple doctors visit turned out to be a life changing event. the family found out that their 3 year old boy has Leukemia. if that is not bad enough let me add to the list. the little boy and his mom are being shipped out the States as soon as they can get him out. then his dad and little brother will follow. now that the boy has Leukemia the whole family has to move back to the states. which is no easy task. see when the Air Force moves (PCS) you over seas there is a lot that goes with that. they have to sell their car, take all the FMO stuff back, ship there other car out, etc. they have to pick up there whole lives (just as they were getting settled in) and move again. this is hard enough when one just finds out that their kid has Leukemia, but when you have a wife (that is 26 weeks pregnant) a 17 month old baby, and dog it seems to be that much more difficult.

so during your prayer time tonight please lift up my friends. out of respect for them i will not give out their names, but God knows just who you will be praying for. i mean He is the one who made them anyway.

Simple Truths #3

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in my reading of Luke i came across another simple truth. i have heard this sense i was a kid. but lets just take a look at the Word.

Luke 12:15
"And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses."

Luke 12:34
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

 though these seem basic enough let us take a look at them. how is our society built? what is it built on? anyone can look around and see that if you have a lot of things (money, cars, a big house) you are well off. typically (what society) people think is something to this affect "if one has a lot of money, one will be happy." who doesn't want to be happy? so with a thought process like this it is safe to say that we (society) strive to have money, and with money (we think) a well social standing. with a well social standing/money we will have peace. Jesus is no fool He also knows that money has power (over peoples hearts). in these two verses (among many) He directly comes against these outlandish thoughts for the "pursuit of happiness." we as followers of Christ must not put our hearts on the things of this world, but on the things of God. we must not let money (or the pursuit of it) be the drive of our lives. (Mat 6:24b "...You cannot serve God and mammon.") what all of this comes down to is this: if your heart is set on money/cars/big house etc. your heart will end up off of Christ and on the things that are passing away. let us leave everything and take up our cross and follow Jesus. let us build a store house full of treasures in heaven. let our hearts be set on the things of God instead of the things of this world.

Simple Truths #2

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i just have to start our with God is Good! He is good even though i am not. it is for that i thank Him. the other day my flesh got the best of me. i was faced with my giant, and i lost. not because i was not strong enough or anything like that. i lost my battle due to me not being obedient to God's word. so here is the simple truth that is so open in God's word.

Romans 13:14
"But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts."

 because i did not "put on our Lord Jesus Christ" i was not able or even prepared to take on my giant. i opened the door and allowed myself to walk right in to battle something i have no will to fight. had i just been obedient to God's word i would have never opened that door. (something i deeply wish i never did). well several days go by and every moment that passes i know that our Father is telling me to confess my failure to my wife. i keep telling myself that i am not hearing God and that i do not need to tell my wife. see God had reminded me of this scripture several hours after i lost my battle. as the days passed and the more i heard God telling me to talk to my wife i knew i had too. if i lost a battle by not being obedient to God's word to begin with then i did NOT want to be disobedient to Him again. so today i finally tell my wife about what i had done. and God could not have blessed this confession any more then He did. after i tell my wife she just looks at me and says "thank you for being honest" and "i am not mad at you." in my mind for the last several days i have been playing out the way that this conversation was going to go and it never played out like this. i can only imagine what would have happened if i had not been obedient to God. so i count my blessings here: i thank God for His word and for my wonderful wife. i have been blessed my God far more then i deserve.    

Most holy faith

Finding yourself low on faith? Or do you find yourself lacking in holiness? In Jude 20 it says this "but you beloved building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit." let us all spend some time to night praying in the Holy Spirit. So that we might build ourselves up in the most holy faith possible.... I count my blessings here: I thank God that He has provided me a way to build my faith into something holy. As I do not feel very holy right now.... Thank you Lord!

Simple Truths #1

Image by erin-thérèse via Flickr

so many times in Christianity we try and make things a little bit to complicated. if you dont do that well i guess i am not talking to you. because i know that there are times in my walk that i tend to make things out to be harderd then they really are. i tend to try and put God's word into a "step by step" order, so that i might complete the things that He has asked me to do. i have gotten better about no complicating God's word. my wife makes sure of that :-). when we first god married she just went a long with my seemingly craziness. but now.... oh but know she is the first to let me know that i am making things to complicated. and i thank God that He gave me a wife that would do just that. He really uses her to keep me on track.... wow i am really getting off track here... so what i am trying to say is this: there are times in our walk that we tend to make things our to be to complicated. so let me just take one day at a time and find the "Simple Truths" in God's word. so that i might be able to come to Him like a little child.

Hebrews 10:19
"Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus."
Hebrews 4:16
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne room of graces, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
John 4:24
"God is a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth."

there are times in our lives that we just feel down and out. like we cant even talk to God (for what ever reason). well God has something else to say about that. as you have read in the verse above Jesus has already paved the way for us to come to Him. He shed His blood giving us the "boldness to enter into the Holiest of Holies." He wants us there! So though we feel like we are not good enough, or that we have not done enough to be in the presence of God, let us NOW come boldly to His feet. Let us obtain mercy and grace there. and seeing that it is so easy to come before God let us be obedient to His word. Let us worship Him for the goodness of His mercy and grace.....

God is good and is goodness endures for ever!

The Lion and the Lamb

i have read lots of things about the Lion and the Lamb. but here are just a few thought of my own...... i love the idea of Jesus being the Lion and the Lamb. there are so many times that i feel as if i could be beaten up and kicked out by our enemy, but out of no where comes my heavenly Father the Lion. it is He who wars for me. it is the Lion that protects me. i love to picture Jesus like a lion tearing apart our enemy's when the mess with me or the rest of the body. on the flip side of this i know that when my Lord is with me i am at peace. when the Lamb of God comes to me He brings me peace... i know that this is not much but it doesn't have to be. so please take this and be blessed with it. and know that when you are feeling down and out that our Lord Jesus is there to fight for you, minister for you, through you, He knows what to pray when we have (or feel like) no words to pray. (Rom 8:26-27). and in those times that you cant seem to get calm. cant seem to find rest, or peace, or anything that makes sense it is Him the Lamb that will be right there with you. (Phil 4:6-7). so let us continually walk in the Spirit of the Lord so that we may be in His fullness, to have the Lion and the Lamb be with us continually.  

The Adoption we have in Christ

while i was preparing for this last weeks bible study i came a crossed the scripture in Romans. I have always known that i am an adopted son of God, but reading it again really hit home and sunk in. so lets take a look at it.

Romans 8:14-17
"14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together."

This photo is not mine, I got it off the internet.

This photo is not mine, I got it off the internet.

This photo is not mine, I got it off the internet.

This photo is not mine, I got it off the internet.

If these pictures are not the perfect example of our adoption then i don't know what is. just as the little piggy was abandoned, left to starve and eventually die; so were we before Christ. what an amazing thing that we have in Jesus. take a look at the pictures again. look how the momma dog has brought the little pig in under her chin. it looks like she is protecting the adopted one. how the adopted one (pig) has no fear to eat, drink, and sleep with the dogs. the pig knows that it has been welcomed into the family, and that she may look different on the out side her heart truly belongs with the one who cares for her. this is such a perfect picture of our relationship with Christ. so let us put all that we have done behind us so that we may walk in what is right in front of us (Jesus Christ). our adoption is final, it is unwavering, and does not have an expiration date. we are HIS! let us live in the freedom He has given us. let us live in His love, protection, and provisions.

i know that this is a simple truth but it is a good one. so it is here that i count my blessings: i am thankful that i have a life in Christ. that He is the one who cares for me, provides for me, and saves me. i am blessed beyond measure to have Him as my KING! 

Law vs Grace Pt 2

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This week as I was in church we sang a wonderful song. We sang let the river flow. Through this song God Spoke to me. He reminded me of the scripture in John 7:37-39 when He talks about those who thrust will be filled and those who believe in Him will have rivers of living water flowing out of his heart. All through church this stayed on my mind. So I asked the Lord to teach me about this scripture. And oh let me tell you He did just that. I didn’t go home and dig into the Word right away. I thought about this I pondered it for a while. It was only at work after a long hard day of work that I finally looked this up in the bible. As I looked it up the Lord didn’t say anything. I thought that I had just heard my flesh during church. I thought that maybe I was just wanting to hear from the Lord and that I had fooled myself. Well I could not have been more wrong. The next day I went home and spent a wonderful day with my wife. We cleaned the house, went on a date, then ended the evening with a movie. Again all the while I couldn’t get John 7:37-39 out of my head. I knew that there had to be more to it. As God always works in mysterious ways He started working that night. Chantal after coming home from the movie told me that she was so very tired and that she just wanted to go to bed. So that is just where we went. I took my bible and sat in bed and started reading. I was intending to find scriptures that talk about homosexuality so that I could write a letter to the USAF regarding the “don’t ask, don’t tell” police. (as the day before I took a survey they sent out) I got my scriptures, but there just was no life in them. They were not speaking to me. I knew that God did not intend to speak to me about this issue that night. Although I knew that He did want to talk with me. So I asked Him what he wanted talk with me about. At that moment He flashed John 7:37-39 to me. And as I was still in 1 Corinthians looking at homosexual scriptures I decided to flip through a few pages to see what would POP out at me. When I got to 2 Corinthians the Lord started speaking. So let me just try and put into words what I heard my Father speak. (He spoke like He does most of the time. He took me through His scriptures and made them come alive to me. When I read the scriptures there was power in them. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what I was getting was from God.)

2 Corinthians 3:4-11, 17-18
We are being told that they (Paul & the other Apostles) were sufficient ministers of the new covenant. Not a covenant written on stone (like the old law) but one that is written of the Spirit on the hearts of men. That this new covenant does not kill (like the old) but gives “life.” Then he goes on to say that the old law (in verse 7,9) a ministry of death, and condemnation. And though it (during its time) was glorious is a dull image compared to the new law (the law of liberty). Verse 17 says it best “Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”

These verses reminded me of the conversation I had with my mother several nights ago. She brought my attention to James. She said that she was reading along with a teaching she heard at church as she came across James 1:22-25. once she read this she knew that she must share it with me. As she knew that I was in search of scriptures walking me through “law vs grace.” So in James 1:22-24 we are told to be doers of the word and not hearers only. Then in verse 25 we are told “he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.” I almost could not believe my eyes. I mean I was literally looking into the “perfect law of liberty.” As God was speaking to me about rivers of living water (the Holy Spirit), and how the Spirit of the Lord is liberty, and how this law if liberty sets me free from the old law. It is this new liberty that I must follow, and be a “doer” of. Well how do I start to live and be a “doer” of the law of liberty? It starts in the next chapter. James 2:12 “So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty.” What a completely new way of thinking this is. I mean I know that I am not the only one who condemns myself when I know that I sin. So what makes me condemn myself? It is the old law. If I am to be a “doer” of the Word of God then I must walk as though I am not going to be judged my the old law but the new one of liberty. (may I just put in a side note. Romans 6:1-2a, 15, 7:7a “what shall we say then? Should we continue to sin that grace may abound? Certainly NOT!...” “what shall we say then? Is the law sin? Certainly NOT!” “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? Certainly NOT!” and most importantly in Gal 5:13 “for you brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh” (sin). these few scriptures clearly tells us that we are not to use grace as a license to sin. As for those that do not obey these scriptures and use liberty for their flesh to abound; well we in Texas like to call them “greasy gracers.”)

Now as we know the old law is what puts me into condemnation. Well we see in Rom 8:1-2 that “there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.” We saw in 2 Corinthians 3:7 that the old law was called “death,” and we see latter in Romans 8 that sin is of the flesh. So when we add what we have so far we get this: that the Spirit of the Lord is liberty, and that He sets us from the old law as well as our own flesh. We are no longer slaves to sin and death. Romans 8:5 “for those who live according the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live (a “doer”) according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.” Once we are free to live in Christ Jesus we will have a new mind. The mind of Christ. Therefore we should no longer have the mind (or desire) to try and fulfill the old law, for we already know that it has been fulfilled (by Christ), and that one big hurdle that was keeping us from a personal intimate relationship with God is gone! This is the mind of Christ. Rom 8:14-15 It is those who live according to the Spirit of God that are called “sons of God” “for we did not receive the spirit of bondage again (old law) to fear, but we received the Spirit of adoption (freedom)…”

There is quite a bit more that our Father spoke to me. I will write those words down a little bit later. I just needed to put down on paper the solid word that I had so far. So it is here that I count my blessings: I thank God that I have been set free from everything in live so that I am able to love Him and only Him. I also thank Him that He is still a living God and that He still speaks to me.

Learning to give over a cup of coffee

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today my wife and i got to talking about how God has blessed us more then we can count. almost everything in our house has been given to us. when we first moved to Germany we didnt have anything to start out with. i was just a young Airman who had just moved out of the dorms and into my first house. she was just a young girl who had been moving from country to country and had nothing. i mean i literally had nothing when i moved into our house 2 1/2 years ago. i rented our first house and was intending to sleep on the floor until i could buy a bed. God wouldnt have that. my supervisor at the time saw my need and just gave me a couch. then he just gave me a coffee and end tables. then my land lords asked if i had anything in the house as they had not seen me move anything in. i told them what i had (which again wasnt much) then they offered me a bed frame. they told me that i would have to buy a mattress, but that i could keep the frame. several days later they asked me if i wanted their couch set. that they were going to be getting news ones in and wanted to get rid of their old ones. of course i took them up on their offer. although the couches were not the best looking. i mean they were lime green. but at least they were couches. now let us fast forward about two years when our good friend was starting to PCS out. she started getting rid of all her things in an effort to leave this place with as much ease as possible. seeing that chantal and i only had one car with a baby on the way and my crazy work schedule she decided to give us her car. WOW! what a blessing.... i could go on an on of how God has blessed us and provided for us but what this comes down to is this. chantal and i started talking and came up with this: we want to start giving to others as God has given to us. we have been tithing for quite some time now and we both feel that slowly God is starting to have us give above what we are asked to...... i thank God that He has blessed us enough that we may be able to bless others in the same way.... i know that ending like this doesnt really make much sense but there is nothing really to say other then God is good and i am thankful for His unending provisions, unending goodness,and unending love.

Law vs Grace (Pt 1)

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for a while now i have been thinking about the Law vs Grace thing. why are we given the old law to read (old testament), and then given the new (new testament)? are we to follow the old law? or are we to follow the new? can we do both? are we suppose to? if we just follow the law then are we throwing away what Jesus did for us? but on the flip side if we just walk by grace are we just using what Jesus did to skate by and ride into heaven? all these questions i have been thinking about for some time. i know that i do not want to be bound to the old law as i know that i could never follow it. but i dont want to be the one that runs free with no remorse for my actions. i mean Jesus said in Matthew 7:23 "And i will declare to them,"I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!"" i dont want to be the one who "practices lawlessness." i dont want to be the one who acts as if my Lord Jesus never even gave me a law to follow. so my question that remains is this: "what is the Law of Christ, and what "law" do i to follow?

i know the question of law vs grace has been around since the day Jesus die and rose again, but i want God to speak to me personally about it. i want God to give me scriptures to back up what i believe. in 1 Thess 5:21 we are told to "test all things; hold fast what is good." i want to test law vs grace by the bible. my goal through all of this is to find in scripture what my Lord wills for me. i know that there is no way i will find all the answers (scriptures) in a day or even a week. that is why i have labeled this blog "Law vs Grace (Pt 1)" as i am sure that there will be more to follow after this one. so let me get started with looking at a few scriptures.

Romans 7:1-6 talks about the law for married people. when it is ok to remarry. at one time i thought that is all it talked about; that is until the other day. see the Lord will not hold those who remarry as an adulterer if their spouse dies. (or if there is sexual sin in the marriage Matt 5:32) this is because the law of marriage is no longer in affect due to death. the wife/husband has been set free from the law that bound them to each other. this is the same way the Christ has set us free from the law (of old). Jesus says in Matt 5:17 that He didnt come to destroy the law but to fulfill it. through His whole life (from birth to death) He walked perfectly in the law 100%. He said in John 19:30 "...it is finished..." then he gave up His spirit. it was right then that He set us free from the bondage of the law of old. He had fulfilled it in its entirety. once this death occurred we where able to follow (marry) a new law. (as Gentiles we were free to become children of God). we were able to do this without becoming adulterers, and without angering God. as He does say in Exodus 34:14 that His name is "Jealous God." now with this new found freedom did Jesus intend for us to run as children without a Father? most certainly NOT! we see at the very beginning of Jesus' ministry in Matt 4:19 He commands us to "follow Him." with this new found freedom we are to lay down the law and pick up Jesus. we are freed from the law of old (same as the marriage law), single and able to marry again (new law). we are to marry Jesus and become the "Bride of Christ." so what does this new law look like? Jesus laid that out for us in John 15:9-17. let me refer you to my blog on 14 July titled "God is Good!!! I love it when He Adds to His Remah Word," as i have already talked about the "law of Christ." but in short we are bear one another's burdens and fulfill the law of Christ. that is to love each other as Christ has already loved us.

what i have come to today is this: i am freed from the law as it will not save me from my sins. that i am free to choose, free to live without shame, and free to walk had in hand with my savior Jesus Christ. i have been freed from the had written requirements (Colo 2:13-14) praise the Lord.

here is the scriptures that i used:

Matthew 7:23
"23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’"

1 Thess 5:21
"21 Test all things; hold fast what is good."

Romans 7:1-6
"1 Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? 2 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. 4 Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another—to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God. 5 For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions which were aroused by the law were at work in our members to bear fruit to death. 6 But now we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter."

Matthew 5:32
"32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."

Matthew 5:17
"17 “Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill."

John 19:30
"30 So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit. "

Exodus 34:14
"14 (for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God)"

Matt 4:19
"19 Then He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.”"

John 15:9-17
"“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another. "

Colo 2:13-14
"13 And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, 14 having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross."

God knew my needs before i did

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well my ORE is done. (whooo hoooo)!!! those things are the worst...... well during the middle of the exercise my wife tries to call me several times. and of course the one time she needs to get a holt of me i am in MOPP 4 running an Fire Dept exercise. i didnt finish with that for several hours. when i finally get back to the station my wife just so happens to call the station phone. when i pick it up i hear her almost in tears (or she had just sucked them up long enough to call) telling me that she had to go the hospital for contractions. she told me that all was well with her and the baby but that the hospital was going to keep her over night. now this is where being in the military and being a Fire Fighter is not the best thing. i cant just drop what i am doing and run to be by her side. (though that is the only thing i want to do!) i cant leave my truck because if there is a real world emergency i have to go on that instead of going to be with my wife. i guess this is what the AF meant when they said i must put "Service before Self." either way i hated being in all that chem/fire fighting gear, and what seemed to be thousands of miles away from my wife. but during all of these emotions God is hard at work for me! See i was on the phone with my wife when my boss walked in and heard me say "i love you too, and everything will be alright." (as i hung up the phone) he asked me if everything was alright. well i told him what had happened to my wife and that was it. i didnt ask to be let off work, because i knew there was no way for me to leave. there was no one else that could take my spot (as i am Crew Chief of the Rescue truck). so i went on about my day doing all the things that i have to do during these ORE's, and before long my boss just comes to me and tells me to go the hospital and be with my wife. that he has a replacement for me on the way. what an answer to prayers!! God knew my families needs before i even did. He took care of my situation before i could even ask for Him to. oh how we serve a great God! just as God came through for me in this small thing He came through for me and my family with my wife's contractions. i wont lie i was scared driving to the hospital. and of course i was praying the whole way. as i was praying i was reminded of the man that came to Jesus and asked for his servant to be healed. Jesus saw his faith and healed the servant. i took this as a promise that everything was going to be alright. all i had to do was exercise my faith. see when we lost our first baby and it seemed that all my hope in Jesus was lost He in His own miraculous way made Himself known to me. He didnt leave me He understood the loose and the time i need to heal. then when He blessed us with our second baby (the one cooking now.... speck 2.0) i heard a promise from Him. He said that He keep speck 2.0 safe... this came in the form of what we read "Peace that surpasses all understanding." i can see even now how our Father is using my unborn child to minister to me even now. what a revelation "out of the mouths of babes" God speaks. this time the babe is not even born yet...... it is here that i count my blessings: my wife is well, my baby is well, and my God is great! He took care of my needs. He blessed me, spoke to me, and comforted me and my family. Praise be to JESUS!!!

Just count on the small things

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there is not a whole lot i want to write about tonight. see i am in the Air Force and i am having to play in these ridiculous war games. they not even useful. the things that we are practicing are still things from the cold war. never the less i still have to play in them. they have put in on 12hrs shifts which leave me pretty tired at the end of the day. especially after running on several real world emergencies. so where do i count my blessings????? it is simple i count them in the Lord. though i am working crazy hrs and my body is tired He is still strong and still in control. He also has given me a wonderful wife that has had food laid out on the table when i come home, and ready to let me collapse in her arms. He has given me a child that (lets keep our fingers crossed) should be here around 6 Sept. which is scary enough as it is. my job don't make that any easier. today i had a call were i was toned out to a "child not breathing." my heart almost stopped. after getting there and finding out that everything was actually ok that it made me think about my new born child. it hit me that from here on out that i will be worrying about my child's safety. i don't want anything to happen to my baby. but as always there is that voice (the clam voice of my Father) that tells me that He has protected my wife and baby this far, that He will continue to do so. so again here i count my blessings that i (we) have a heavenly Father that does take care of us and that he is concerned with even the little things in my life..... as i stated before i am tired from the silly war games that i have to play in so i am going to sign off for the night. be blessed and may the Lord of Peace be with you all.

God is Good!!! I love it when He Adds to His Remah Word

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last night during my readings God spoke to me about "bearing your brothers burdens." God has talked to be about this in the past but He added to it last night. so let me just quickly run through the few scriptures that talk about this so that you are on the same mind track as i was when God spoke to me.

Galatians 6:1-2,5 "1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ...5 For each one shall bear his own load." this is pretty self explanatory but what is the "law of Christ?" well that is found in John 15:9-17. "9 As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another." The Law of Christ is to Love one another as He has loved us. He so loved us that He laid down His life for us. in an older post i talked about taking up your cross, and how your cross = your calling. well at the moment Jesus had to take up His cross (fulfilling the most important part of is calling) he had help. look at Matthew 27:32 "32 Now as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. Him they compelled to bear His cross." you see even when we follow in the mirror image of Jesus by fulfilling His Law of Love we find our selves in either two places: 1 in a position to extend a shoulder to bear a burden. 2 in a state where you need someones shoulder to help you bear your own burden. now we know the rest of the story of Jesus, and He didn't just let that man of Cyrene take it all (for if He did we would not have the name "Jesus" as a savior). Jesus at the place of Galgotha took His "own load" and full filled His calling. when you need that "shoulder" to help you bear your burden don't be afraid to let that person help you, (for they are fulfilling the Law of Christ) but please for your own sake don't forget that you must carry your own load. for that part may be the hardest, it is fullness of your calling/cross. it is what you are made for! now on the flip side of that if your "shoulder" is strong enough then bear the burned for your fellow brother/sister in Christ. by doing so you fulfill the Law of Christ. in 2 Corinthians 8:12-15 it talks about this as well "12 For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have. 13 For I do not mean that others should be eased and you burdened; 14 but by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may supply their lack, that their abundance also may supply your lack—that there may be equality. 15 As it is written, “He who gathered much had nothing left over, and he who gathered little had no lack.”" it is in your abundance that Christ has given you that you are able to "bear one another's burdens." if you are not led by the Holy Spirit then your abundance may not yet be full. (hence one of the importance's of "Do not quench the Spirit." 1 Thess 5:19)

what all this boils down to is that God is good and i am so thankful that He continually makes the "mysteries" known to me. (Eph 1:9 "9 having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself") so here i count my blessings: God is still a living God and He STILL speaks to His church today!!!!!! Amen

Just a Few thoughts for the Day

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so last night while at work i responded to several emergencies. one in particular was early this morning. we got called out for a report of sexual assault. what was said was as soon as we got toned out i thought "great another dumb call." for us as Fire Fighters/EMT-B's we can not do anything for this person. i don't know why i thought these things. maybe it was due to night being filled with silly little calls that i really should not have been called out for leaving me extremely tired. but still that doesn't give me the right to think so lightly on a situation that is such a life altering event. one that all wish they never had to go through. so for this i am very sorry for thinking such a thing. i fill so bad because as we show up on scene knock on the door and when she opened it and the look she gave us was one of pure terror. she was terribly shaken and crying, but allowed us in to talk with her. as she started telling us what happened my stomach started to turn, and in side i started to get more and more disgusted. i do not and will never understand why people can do this kind of thing to each other. there is no excuse for raping someone!!! as she finishes telling us what happened we asked her several more questions then i stepped out to call for DRK (German ambulance) when i saw a man out side looking conspicuous. when i keyed up my radio this guy opens his door and starts staring at me with (in my opinion) guilty eyes. i cant help but think that he is the guy that just committed this horrific thing. as i finish my radio traffic i keep my eye on this guy to ensure that he doesn't go anywhere until the cops get there. and thank God they made it quickly. as they walk up they quickly noticed this guy and by the way they spoke to him they also felt that he guilty. from that point on they took over with speaking to the victim and asked us to leave. though we complied with their request i couldn't this girl out of my head. she has stayed with me all day. it makes me sad to think that this girl has had to go through something like this. even though i do not know this girl i pray for her, and ask that all of you that read this pray for her too.

Oh to Be Perfect as our Father is Perfect

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as i said yesterday God is having me read Matthew to see just want Jesus has instructed me to do. though there are many things He commands us to do i just want to look at a few things.

in Matthew 5:48 Jesus says "therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." now if that is not the hardest thing to do i dont know what is. i am left with the question "how do i be perfect?" Jesus is good enough to answer this for me. we see in Matthew 19:21 where the rich young ruler came to Him and asks what he must do to inherit eternal life. Jesus replies to him by telling him to follow the commandants (do not: murder, commit adultery, steal, lie, then to honor your father and mother, and to love your neighbor as your self). the ruler told Jesus that he had kept these from his youth, and in verse 21 Jesus tells him "if you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come follow me." see though this man lived my the law that was given to him from God he still was not perfect. he was lacking something. he was serving two masters at once. his heart was where his treasure was, and with it being there it could not be completely on Jesus. Matthew 6:19-21, 24 "do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do no break in and steal. for where your treasure is there you heart will be also... no one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. you cannot serve God and money." God wanted this young man to leave the god he had made for himself and love Him with his whole heart. Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus commanded us to love Him with all our heart leading us to love our neighbor as ourselves. He also told the young ruler to "follow Him."

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in Matthew 16:24 Jesus tells us "if anyone desires to come after Me let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me." now if we are to follow and be like Jesus we are to love him completely and to take up "our" cross and follow Him. Jesus had his own cross (calling) to follow just as we have our own to follow. as i talked about the other day where God wants me (as well as the body of Christ) to walk in and stir up the gifts that He has given me (us). though our calling may and probably will lead us right in to persecution as Jesus said it would. though these things seem to be impossible and to hard to do our Jesus says in Matthew 11:29-30 "take my yoke upon your and learn from Me, for i am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for My yoke is easy and My burden is light." then in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." so let us not be weary of the calling we have in Jesus but let us rest assured that He will be there to carry us through on His strength. let us live by grace and worship Him with our whole heart making Jesus our King and Master. when we find ourselves in need of the grace that He says is sufficient for us (for me it is all the time, everyday) let us ask for it boldly as it says in Hebrews 10:19, and 4:16.

to be perfect is one thing that i cannot do by myself. there is no way that by my works that i could be. it is only through the life of Jesus i am. through living in and walking out Love for Him, His Love for others, grace for all and allowing my self to become week so that His strength is what carries me. that is the process that i am made perfect in Him. so i count my blessings here; that in laying down my life at the feet of Jesus i may be made perfect as my Father is perfect.